Tag Archives: mask

“Facade —– My Subsistence”

I can see her ….
She is wearing a dark blue dress that complements her dark brown eyes. There is nothing naive about her. She seems like a predator, cunning & sharp, ready to grab her tired prey at any instant. Her scarlet streaks fading  and dissolving in her dark brownish red hair seems just impossible to ignore. She is a lady of power. She has the power to control. Her face it’s so composed, every curve of it inviting you in, compelling you to follow her every command. The depth of her chocolate honey eyes wearing a superficial demeanour. Ahaa !!! I see it now, a vibrant ray of hope in her egocentric features & its source… It’s in her eyes, a flicker of dwindling flame of life… & than it’s completely gone, her wildness tamed, her hope vanished, now she again wears that same expression of charming dour as when I first saw her.
                            The cruelty rings from her whole existence, there is nothing humane about her. She is a beast despite her outward beauty, she is whom she is. A merciless selfish creature drenched in brutality. She has long forgotten how soft life was, now she is as hard as stone. She is a woman of motive, ready to do whatever it takes to get her way.
                          Oh thank God ! I am nothing like her. I am not selfish, self-centered or cruel. My heart still beats in its soft comforting rhythm. My face though is heart-shaped same as hers. My eyes & hair are same as hers, dark brown. But my soul is still pure unlike her who is soul less. I still have the flame of life shinning in my eyes. I must see my reflection to assure myself that I’m still alive , that I’m still me.
             The old antique foot long mirror, ahhh !! It’s there, right in front of me. Oh thank God ! I am me, I can never be like the girl whose image stands in front of …. It’s a mirror that must mean what I  am seeing is —  It’s a mirror image of —– ME !!!
            What have I become ? I am like a dead corpse, no sign of my innocence. Nothing close to love exists in my existence. I love only for my motives. I have become a selfish, mean, egoistic beast…. a predator, because I can even kill to get what I want.
                Who made me like this ? who drew my soul from my body ? Tears glittering like first drops of rain in the drought fall on my cheeks. It was me who made me like this ! Who else can I blame ? but what I did was to survive, to survive in this cruel arduous time. I did nothing wrong. My tears like first drops of rain fall & dry on the barren soil of my existence. I did nothing wrong.
I put on my facade again…. this is who I am now !!! The old, soft, polite, loving me has been devoured in my strong, hard, cruel, new self.
                            I can see her….. the slight streak of my old self. She flashes lightly & then fades away forever.


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